Tears

Today was an off day for me. I'm not normally a very emotional person when I'm alone or just with Eli during the day. It usually takes someone or something outside of my normal routine to get me emotional.  Today was an off day.

I cried so much today. I know it isn't the normal hormone attack that most women can relate to. I know that at times I take my son and his health and the fact that I even am able to have him in my life for granted at times. That being said, I pulled out an old CD I had forgotten about and never really listened to very much and just cried. "Blink" by Plumb only had one song at the time that I really wanted and therefore bought the whole think. I loved "In my arms" and still do but the song that recently had me a blubbering mess was "Me." I listened to the lyrics and realized how much I love my son and would give the world to always be able to hold him, heal him, and make him feel loved and safe. At times I may complain or state, I wish I could have showered today, or I haven't eaten since last night and now it's 3pm BUT I wouldn't change that for the world. I want Eli to know I will ALWAYS be here for him.
So, I rocked my son to sleep for one of his naps and listened to "Blink" 3 or 4 times and just cried. I asked the Lord to forgive me for taking my son and his health, smile, coos, cries, tears, poos, and rolls for granted. I prayed that he would teach me to love Himself more everyday so that in turn, Eli would learn to love Him as well. Today was good and I wish I had more "eye opening" days like today.

"Me" by Plum

Steve and I are working on writing up some thoughts that we have to record on Sunday for Eli's Parent/Child Dedication that is on Father's Day. I am definitely going to be thinking even more about what I want to teach Eli and have my legacy as a Mother be for him so that he becomes a man after God's own heart. I pray every night while Steve or I feed him that he would love the Lord, be a man of honor, grace, forgiveness, and strong character. I love my son and am blown away by all the new things he does every day. I can hardly believe he is 4 months old already!

Eli Stephen Vruggink, you are loved by your heavenly father, your parents, your grandparents, and all your other family. You are a precious gift to us and though we aren't perfect, you will never have to doubt our love for you and your safety with us. You are precious and I am blessed to have you in my life each and every day! <3